BOTTOMING FOR JESUS RETURNS - MARCH 13-14, 2025
Don't miss the much-anticipated return of Michael R. Speciàle's irreverent solo performance about faith, purpose, and the holes we try to fill.
After a sold-out premiere last June, Bottoming For Jesus returns to LINT for two nights only. Part cabaret, part confessional, part ted talk - this show creates a space where ex-religious, queer, lost, searching, hopeful humans can make meaning together about the futility and necessity of purpose at the edge of the world.
"A healing and unsettling experience." - Scarlett Kim, former Director of Innovation at Oregon Shakespeare Festival
"Is this fool actually explaining Sniffies to the straights on a white board?" - Michelle Lhooq, Rave New World
BOTTOMING FOR JESUS
March 13-14, 2025 at 8PM
Written and Performed by Michael R. Speciàle
Directed by Spenser Theberge
Music Direction by Jeremiah Ginn
Lighting Design by Cory Fisher
Production Support by Studio 3xp (Brandon Loyd & Cory Fisher)
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→ 15% discount for work◆flow subscribers with code: WORKFLOW15
Bottoming For Jesus: How I Found Meaning in Cabaret, Queerness, and the Holes We Try to Fill
When I tell people the name of my show, Bottoming For Jesus, they usually react in one of three ways: they laugh (good sign), they get uncomfortable (better sign), or they try to correct me, assuming they misheard (“Did you say Looking for Jesus?” No. No, I did not).
Yes, it’s a sex joke. And yes, it’s a theological metaphor. And yes, it’s also the truest way I know how to describe my journey through faith, queerness, and the lifelong quest for purpose.
I was 15 when I converted to Mormonism of my own free will. I wasn’t born into it; I actively chose it, because I was searching for something— structure, belonging, meaning, the promise that my life had a purpose beyond what I could yet understand. Mormonism gave me that. It also gave me rigid gender roles, an emphasis on obedience, and a particular framework for submission— submitting to God, to the church, to authority.
Years later, when I came out as gay and left the church, I realized I hadn’t abandoned submission altogether. I’d just found new frameworks for it—new ways to empty myself out in the hope of being filled. Enter: sex, art, community, performance, the endless loop of apps and conversations and late-night existential spirals.
This is what Bottoming For Jesus is about. It’s a cabaret, a stand-up act, a confessional, a sermon. It’s my attempt to reconcile where I came from with where I am now. And it’s my way of asking—out loud, in front of an audience—why we keep trying to fill the holes inside us, and what happens when we finally sit with them.
Religious Submission, But Queerer
In religious circles, submission is often framed as a virtue. You surrender to God’s will. You empty yourself so that divine purpose can take its place. There’s even a theological term for this: kenosis, the act of self-emptying. Jesus did it when he gave up divine power to become human.
But queer people are no strangers to submission either. It’s there in sex, in power play, in the ways we navigate identity and desire. If you don’t think there’s a connection between religious devotion and erotic surrender, you likely haven’t read enough 16th-century mystics. Song of Solomon is basically religious erotica. The body and the spirit have always been in conversation.
In Bottoming For Jesus, I play with this tension. I joke that as a Mormon missionary, I was the ultimate cum dump for Jesus—fully submissive, fully devoted. (The church might phrase that differently, but you get the idea.) And in a way, I meant it. I was all in. And I miss that feeling sometimes. The absolute certainty. The surrender. The knowledge that my life had a clear and structured purpose.
Leaving the church meant losing that. And in its absence, I found myself trying to replicate it—through the queer communities I joined, the art spaces I built, the ways I tried (and often failed) to forge new systems of belonging. And yeah, oftentimes through sex.
Purpose is a Scam (And Also the Only Thing That Matters?)
If you’ve ever been in a religious community, you know that purpose is built in. You don’t have to question why you’re here. You already know. God has a plan for you. There’s a bigger picture. You are a piece of it.
But when you leave that world, what happens next?
For me, the answer has been: an existential crisis that never fully resolves. I’ve tried everything. I co-founded an experimental arts nonprofit. I threw myself into relationships. I obsessed over the idea that if I just worked hard enough—on myself, on my art, on my community—I could earn a sense of purpose again. But every time, the cracks showed. And I found myself back in the same loop, wondering why the world felt so empty even when I was doing everything “right”.
And then I realized: maybe purpose isn’t something you find. Maybe it’s something that is actually performed. For many years, I called my years as a Mormon ”my greatest work of performance art to date” because it was.
In Bottoming For Jesus, I try to treat purpose like a scene partner. I engage with it, challenge it, seduce it, joke with it. I invite the audience into the act. Because if meaning is something we construct—if it isn’t handed down from a divine authority—then maybe the closest we can get to the real thing is to embody it in a moment, even if it’s fleeting.
The Hole Problem
One of the running jokes in my show is about Sniffies, the gay cruising app that literally maps out where men are looking for sex in real time. It’s a mess. But it’s also a perfect metaphor for how we try to fill the holes in our lives—sometimes literally, sometimes metaphorically.
Religious people talk about the “God-shaped hole,” this idea that we’re all born with an emptiness that only faith can fill. But let’s be real: everyone has holes they try to fill. With religion. With sex. With work. With social media. With therapy. With doomscrolling.
I used to think I could find the perfect way to fill mine, the one thing that would finally make me feel whole. But I’ve come to suspect that the holes aren’t meant to be permanently patched. They’re what keep us searching. They’re what keep us human.
Why This Show Feels Like Church (But Better)
When I was Mormon, testimony meetings were a big deal. People would get up, take the mic, and share personal stories about faith, doubt, struggle, and redemption. It was raw. It was vulnerable. It was communal.
And honestly? That’s what my show feels like. But gayer. And with more Judy Garland references.
I call it my version of Queer Church. Because theater, at its best, does what religion promises to do. It gathers people. It creates meaning. It makes us feel seen. And it reminds us that, for one brief, shimmering moment, we are not alone.
So that’s what I’m trying to do in Bottoming For Jesus. Not just tell my story, but create a space where other people— ex-religious, queer, lost, searching, hopeful, human— can see themselves reflected.
If you’ve ever felt like you were performing your identity, or like you were trying too hard to find meaning, or like you were chasing something just out of reach—congratulations. You’re in the right place. And you are not alone.
Maybe the real purpose isn’t in the answers. Maybe it’s in the act of questioning itself. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s in a room full of strangers, laughing together in the dark.
Bottoming For Jesus is written and performed by Michael R. Speciàle, with direction by Spenser Theberge and music direction by Jeremiah Ginn. Production support by Studio 3XP (Brandon Loyd & Cory Fisher) with lighting design by Cory Fisher. Produced by Family Affairs Studio.
This work was developed in residency at Open Space in Portland, Oregon in May and June 2024.
LINT UPDATES
We're thrilled to see LINT's calendar filling up for spring with a wide range of creative projects and productions. The refreshed systems and spaces are supporting everything from dance performances to brand activations to intimate creative development sessions.
Currently:
- Accepting bookings for Q2 and Q3 2025 (15% off for work◆flow subscribers)
- Seeking proposals for long-term warehouse sublets
→ View our updated deck
→ Submit a booking inquiry
→ Propose a long-term sublet
UPCOMING EVENTS & OPPORTUNITIES
Bottoming For Jesus - Los Angeles
March 13-14, 2025 at LINT (Los Angeles, CA)
Get Tickets
Work◆Flow Consulting Open Hours
March 13-14, 2025 at LINT (Los Angeles, CA)
Free 20-minute consultations on workflow optimization, creative operations, and digital infrastructure.
Book a Slot
Bottoming For Jesus - Portland
May 1, 2025 at PROCESS PDX (Portland, OR)
Follow us on IG for ticket announcement
Humor & Grace Podcast Launch
June 2025
A new podcast exploring love, relationships, sex, money, and spiritual organizing through deep conversation and sonic performance.
Co-hosted by Michael R. Speciàle and Mandy Harris Williams
You're reading work ◆ flow, a newsletter by Family Affairs Studio written by founder Michael R. Holt to share updates from our studio and content designed to help you reach flow in your creative venture or practice.
MICHAEL R. HOLT is an artist, producer, and creative strategist based in Los Angeles. His work examines and transforms institutional infrastructure to create more sustainable pathways for artists to cultivate and maintain the value of their creative practice. From 2018-2024, he served as Executive Director of NAVEL, where he developed programming and support systems for artists and cultural workers. Previously, as Assistant Director of Marketing at Lincoln Center (2012-2015), he guided loyalty marketing efforts across eleven programs and festivals. As founder of Family Affairs Studio, he combines strategic design with operational expertise to help artists and organizations build sustainable creative infrastructures.
FAMILY AFFAIRS STUDIO is a management consultancy and creative production company that empowers artists and organizations through strategic design and operational excellence. Founded by Michael R. Holt, we combine over 25 years of collective experience to help creative ventures navigate change with resilience and purpose. Our client collaborations include Robert Rauschenberg Foundation's Residency on Captiva Island, LA Commons, The Nest Creatives, Visions2030, Denniston Hill, Spenser Theberge, and Mandy Harris Williams. Through services ranging from organizational therapy to workflow automation, we build sustainable infrastructure that allows artists and cultural workers to focus on what matters most: their creative work.